hmmm.

I am sitting in our hotel room in Michigan, after three full days of dialogue and civil disobedience at two schools. Today was our last day on a campus as the east bus, and I am trying to process and determine what I'm feeling.

Honestly I don't know.

People have repeatedly asked me, "So how has the ride been?" And I never know how to answer. Is there really one adjective that can describe an event such as this?

Beautiful. Crazy. Monumental. Educational. Absurd. Awkward. Eye-Opening. Breath-taking.

It's all of these things and so much more, and I hope that one day I will have the words to adequately talk about how amazing this experience has been.

Our days at Cornerstone University were pretty good considering we were not allowed on campus. I met an awesome couple, Jes and Jim. We had great dialogue about women and leadership, theology, love, etc. I am continually amazed by the people God brings into my life. It is people like Jes and Jim that give me hope in Christianity. It is peopole like my fellow riders, Jarrett, Bram, and Robin that tell me that one day it might be reasonable to deem myself Christian again.

I do not know if I am Christian. I guess at this point it is safe to say I'm not. It's not because I don't believe in God. It's not because I don't love Jesus. But, my life experiences up until this point have never really lead me to ask myself exactly, "What does it mean to be a Christian?"

What are these things that people talk of when they speak of the redemptive blood of Christ? What are we really meaning when we say one thing is sin? What does it mean to say Jesus died for my sins?

Can I answer these? of course... but only in the regurgitated Christian rhetoric I've been told all of my life. But, do I know what I'm saying when I say them? Do I know what redemptive blood looks like (metaphorically of course)? No. I don't have any of these real answers. No substantive answers to determine what it means for me personally to identify as Christian.

And I'm okay with that.

I believe in good. I believe in people. I think Jesus was and is pretty rad.

And I'll sit with that for while.